


cumbersome and heavy

by anotherdirtycomputer



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: 20GAYTEEN, Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, Family Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Trans Will Solace, a vent fic from literally a year ago that i found and finished it, bpd will solace, finish it 2018, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-23 22:42:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14342505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anotherdirtycomputer/pseuds/anotherdirtycomputer
Summary: Will's depressed and Cecil is a good friend.





	cumbersome and heavy

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in february of 2017, found it like... an hour ago, and finished it ajkslf i dont feel like doing anything else with it, so have this nonsense
> 
> as a disclaimer, i am mentally ill, and this was a vent fic, and if your mental illness isnt like this or doesnt effect/affect you exactly the same way, you are still hella valid [dabs] anyways, i hope you enjoy, and i hope you know that you are cared for. a brighter day will always come! <3 sorry if theres typos, yall!

Borderline Personality Disorder was a funny thing. Certainly not funny _haha_ , but usually funny _terrible_.

Will Solace grumbled into his pillow, thinking about it. _Or maybe_ , he thought bitterly, sarcasm stinging the depths of his own mind. _It is funny haha._ The camp sweetheart with his forever smile and his way with people and all his responsibilities that he really, really needed to get out of bed for… reduced to this. Here he was, the camp sweetheart, the _golden boy_. ( _They only like you because they believe the lie._ ) He was a son of Apollo, for gods’ sake. He was _always_ up before everyone else. But, he couldn’t move. ( _Good. Stay there, this way people won’t be stuck with you._ ) Everything was so heavy. ( _And you’re so worthless_.)

He doubted anyone would notice he was gone anyway.

That thought made him feel empty enough to close his eyes and tumble back into sleep.

-

Cecil Markowitz knew something was wrong when he looked over at the Apollo table and saw only three heads - Kayla Knowles, a shock of green and ginger hair; Austin, handsome braids shining with the sunlight; and Nico di Angelo, who glanced around a bit, but chatted quietly with the equally confused-looking younger children of the sun god.

Cecil had been friends with Will for a long time - longer than anyone else ever had. They’d met when they were ten, back when Will was a mean kid full of rage at everything, and Cecil was the kind to laugh at his antics. They’d become friends who hated each other, then friends who kind of liked each other. When they were eleven, they tried “dating”, which was awkward and horrible and made the both of them laugh even now. Then Will had figured out he was a boy, picked out a new name and a new haircut, and they were best friends again, closer than they’d ever been. And they were still that close, which is what gave Cecil the push he needed to squeeze out from all of his siblings and unclaimed campers and sneak to the Apollo table.

“Morning, kiddos,” he said cheerfully, ruffling Kayla’s hair, which made her snort with sudden laughter. She pushed him away and he grinned at her, putting an arm around Austin. “And Nico, my geriatric friend.”

Nico raised an eyebrow. “Where’s Will?”

The somewhat devilish smile on Cecil’s face stayed there, though his fears had been confirmed. “You mean he didn’t say anything about going to the infirmary early or anything?”

“No…” Nico grumbled cautiously. “Is that where he is?”

Cecil knew it wasn’t. “Who knows where that guy could be?” Cecil had a pretty good idea.

Will had this thing he would do sometimes, where the world got heavier and heavier on his back until he couldn’t carry it, leaving him trapped at whatever desk or chair or space of ground he’d been before the depression hit him.

Cecil had seen it before, and it wasn’t pretty. He knew that what Will needed now was support… But how to give it to him? He didn’t always like other people being near him when the world got heavy - he saw himself as a curse, not to be inflicted on other people. He isolated himself, an angry part of his mind convincing him no one wanted him, that even if they _did_ come looking for him, it would be out of pity. Over and over, that little part of his mind would tell him he wasn’t loved, could never be loved. It grew by the hour, reaching such a crushingly high weight that Will could be destroyed by it.

Cecil had seen it before, and it wasn’t pretty.

He considered telling Nico all of this, but figured Will wouldn’t want the guy to see him like this until he was ready. Will’s secrets were his own, after all, and as much as Cecil found pleasure in gossip, this seemed a bit too important for table chatter.

So, he ate breakfast quickly with the Apollo table, ruffling Kayla’s hair and pulling on Austin’s ears, until he could sneak off to see Will without anyone noticing.

-

Will jolted when the door to his cabin opened.

“Hey, jackass,” Cecil greeted adoringly. In a softer voice, he continued, “Doing okay?”

Will didn’t quite have the energy to shrug.

Cecil understood. “You wanna cuddle?”

Will was still for a moment, then pulled the blanket from over his head in a slow, jerky movement. He said nothing, but the look on his face spoke for him.

“Alright, buddy, I’m coming over.”

Cecil made his way over to Will’s bunk, kicking off his shoes and shorts even as Will gave him a half-hearted almost glare.

‘What?” he questioned, smiling crookedly. “Nothing you haven’t seen before, sunshine.”

Will simply closed his eyes, obviously not upset.

“Okay, I’m gonna be on this side of the bed.” Cecil snuggled his way under the covers, which were _way_ too warm for summer, and wrapped an arm around Will. Will tensed under the touch, and Cecil could read the strange, misplaced guilt there. So, he said casually, “I missed you.”

Will blinked at him.

“At breakfast, I mean,” he continued easily. He _was_ a son of Hermes after all - convincing people to do things with pretty words was one of his many specialties, although normally he was lying. He supposed that telling the truth was just like lying, only you had less to remember, in the end. “It wasn’t the same without you there, so I thought I’d come see you, steal some of your time away for myself.”

Silent as Cecil nuzzled his chin, Will shifted his legs uncomfortably, eyes looking sideways like he was thinking. Finally, he said, “Sorry.”

Cecil shrugged best as he could in their position. “No big, Billy. I mean, I’m here now, aren’t I?” He grinned up at his friend, then grinned wider when he noticed some of the life returning to those big blue eyes.

Will tried a smile, but it looked as pained as it did hopeful. The bitter, guilty expression didn’t quite leave his face, even as that soft adoration accompanied it. “You sound like you’re about to sell me a used car,” he grumbled.

“Why?” Cecil raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you looking to buy one?”

For the first time, Will gave a genuine smile, huffing a tired laugh. “Not presently, no.”

Cecil pretended to be disappointed. “Too bad,” he joked, face drawn downwards. “I could get you a sweet deal.”

Laughing again, Will snuggled his nose into Cecil’s curly hair, and groaned, “You’re the worst,” in a tone that Cecil was definitely sure meant “You’re the best”.

Cecil smiled brightly against Will’s shoulder. They stayed that way for a while, wrapped up under the blanket and breathing, just enjoying being close. Hours must have passed, Cecil thought, because the sunlight streaming outside the window had moved, the shadows changing shape in the few places there were any.

“I don’t get how you can ever be depressed in here,” Cecil joked, deadpan. “It’s so bright and open and nice.”

Will shrugged, shaking Cecil’s head where it still laid on his shoulder. “What can I say? I’m good at what I do.”

Cecil laughed, almost sarcastically. “Dude, that’s _dark_.”

A tiny, pleased smile took over Will’s face. “I guess Nico must be rubbing off on me,” he replied.

The look on his face was proof enough that Cecil’s job here was done; Will’s weight hadn’t left him, and that was obvious in his sluggish tone and heavy movements, but he was no longer being crushed by it, no longer drowning in his own _dislike_ of everything that he was and ever would be.

“Speaking of,” Cecil shifted out of Will’s arms, facing him in the bed. “Do you wanna go see him? I’m sure he’s missed you today.” He meant to get an early bird special joke in there, maybe something about aching joints, but it hadn’t quite formed before he’d spoken. He wasn’t used to being so… _genuine_.

Will hummed. “Maybe.” His voice was small, uncertain. “Do you really think he’d want to see me?”

Cecil grinned, jumping out of bed, and raised his voice to nearly shout, “Only one way to find out!”

His smile stayed in place even when he almost knocked his funny bone against the dresser holding Will’s things, and only grew when Will groaned. Isolation time was over - what Will needed now was a wake-up call from people who loved him and some good old-fashioned fresh air. Maybe, Cecil thought, he could even get Will singing by the time of that night’s campfire.

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are a demigod's best friends!


End file.
